Meet "Bastard", our beloved cat. Yes, I know it's cruel to call him such a name; however, you haven't met this furry beast. You should know that he hates all other animals, to include me and his mother. Well, really, he only despises the awake version of us and gladly thrusts his 17-pound body on me, nightly, as he uses me to crawl onto the bed. I guess he's slyly utilitarian also.
Recently, we had to take "B" to the vet. This adventure meant that I had to take off work as did my future wife. We both had to wrangle him into the carrier, which was a feat in itself since the vet instructions were "no food for 12 hours". You can imagine how this already maltempered and "mildly" overweight cat behaves when it's starving. He was a pure treat this morning, not only for us, but for the lovely doctor as well. Who upon seeing the tazmanian-devil lookalike arrive, shouted "Oden STAYS in his carrier!"
Alas, even with a warning label floating above his head in our persistantly blurted bubble captions, "Don't touch him, pet him, or really even look him in the eye! Under no circumstance fall for his beauty! Seriously, he may be handsome, but HE IS A VENUS FLY TRAP!!!", one doctor and one tech were still injured during his happy visit.
My favorite part of the whole ordeal was that "B" came back with his claws clipped. Now when I kiss his adorable little face or pet him, he can't scratch me! Instead, he uses those massive paws to hook my hand and slowly pulls it to his perfectly sharp rows of teeth.
